Had a dream about a childhood friend, who was now a medical practitioner - a doctor, but he was somehow in trouble. He was lying, appearing to be exceedingly warm and accepting (feeling of falseness), fist bumps, gangsta street thug style mannerisms - "yo, whaddup gangsta".

I was pushed into allowing him to misdiagnose my girlfriend (who was some dark-haired woman) with cancer, which turned out to be a money making scheme.

I was planning to report it to the ethical board.

Somewhere in the dream people were being chased by an angry hungry bull. Cant recall why, but it was angry because it was hungry. Got fed at some point, and was no longer hungry, nor angry.

It chased me also, I hid in some place it couldn't enter. It was not a nightmare, I was not afraid.

Anyways, I was with the misdiagnosed patient, my girlfriend, because she was getting the follow up appointment with treatment plan for the misdiagnosed cancer when the doctor came and called me in instead of her.

Ethical board meeting about my childhood friend, his parents were there. They told about his strange behaviour. I was relieved, because I was going to report him, and this became the opportunity.

His father described manic warm and friendly but obviously fake behaviour especially towards people who could help them with money. The describing was not done by talking, but rather a "cut-scene" of sorts where I was watching what I understood to be him describing what I was witnessing, in the meeting.

Being done with the cut-scene, my awareness jumped back to the ethical board meeting where I reported the behaviour I had been worried about, including the misdiagnosis.

This imagery in this dream could be inspired by that movie I saw yesterday with Jessica Alba, the heart transplant one, "Awake". But the symbolism here, I am not sure is related to that movie. The movie seems to be more of a scaffolding for the dream to unfold its symbolism in.

I was at no point aware that it was a dream. Once again the dream was an unfolding, a story rather than containing any sense of egoic agency. The witness (me) was merely watching the unfolding. Perhaps that is what real life is also, but harder to see because personal egoic agency is part of the unfolding here, in this reality. This witness is what psychology calls the "Observer Self". It has no other agency, than to observe. If I ever gain the ability to lucid dream, would I lose the ability for the subconscious to speak to me through dreams, since they then would be managed rather than spontaneous?

I think the Egoic Self - which perceives itself to be "I" - is not a separate “part” that replaces the subconscious. The Observer Self is the space in which the egoic self and the subconscious self appears. Right now, in this dream, the dream is entirely the observer self and the subconscious self. Lucidity, which introduces the egoic self into the dream, doesn’t shut that space down. I think that even if I gained lucidity in dreams, that lucidity would just be another modality through which the subconscious could speak. After all, is not my every waking action also directed by the invisible subconscious?

Lucidity, if it ever comes, won’t turn me into a manager of dreams. It’ll just make the witnessing explicit. As it is right now, as I write this.

That last thought also adds another dimension to all of this. One should be aware and on the watch for the subconscious self speaking to us, through the waking dream. I believe that communication to be what Carl Jung called "Synchronicity", and the subconscious self is always speaking. It has no voice, but it speaks.

These three taken together - the observer, the ego and the subconscious self - constitutes a sort of Trinity that together creates a whole man. If any one of these was lacking, there would be no man. They are one with each other, and none are whole without the other two.

These three, "the observer, the ego and the subconscious self" could be renamed "The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit" without losing any of its symbolic value.

The Father (The Observer): The eternal, unchanging space. The "Witness" that exists before the story begins and remains after it ends.

The Son (The Ego): The localized agency. The "Word" or the actor navigating the material/narrative world, subject to the "misdiagnoses" and "bulls" of life.

The Holy Spirit (The Subconscious): The invisible "voice without a voice." The bridge of synchronicity that moves between the Witness and the Actor, communicating through symbols, dreams, and gut feelings.

If synchronicity is the subconscious speaking through waking life, what makes dream symbolism different or special? Is it just more concentrated, less diluted by conscious interference?

I think it is simply higher bandwidth. Waking consciousness is very temporally sluggish. Things take time. In a dream that is sped up significantly, often being problem and resolution in mere seconds. This makes dreams a significant player in integrating experiences, which is already what we have concluded through psychology that dreams at least partially exists to do.

At this point in my reflection, I am beginning to expect that I will gain lucidity (The Son) when the subconscious (the Holy Spirit) has taught me all that it must about dreams and consciousness. If that is so, then there is no point rushing the process and I can relax into the Observer (the Father) while I wait.

If that is so, then I should also be grateful because the preparation might be important for safety while "dream-walking". One should bring a map before venturing into the unknown or else risk getting lost. It is after all unknown territory, where disorientation is possible. No.. not just possible. Likely.